Filters can also be a hindrance to communication. When someone else is speaking, our own expectations, prejudices, past experiences, values, beliefs, feelings etc all affect what we hear. Some of the time we are listening more to ‘conversation in our own head’ than to the other person speaking. Effective communication requires us to control the conversation in our mind.

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. (James 1:19)

Those who answer before listening – that is their folly and their shame. (Prov 18:13)

Principles for effective communication:

1. Pay attention and do not interrupt – research indicates that the average individual listens for only 17 secs before interrupting. Maintain eye contact and do not do something else at the same time.
2. Put yourself in the speaker’s shoes – this involves putting aside your own views and trying to appreciate what it is like for the speaker. This takes tolerance and compassion.
3. Acknowledge the speaker’s feelings – when you have listened, reflect back what you heard, summarising the main facts but accurately reflecting back the feelings in full. This helps the speaker to know they have been understood.
4. Find out what is most important – Ask the speaker, ‘What is the most important thing our of what you have said?’ After they have spoken reflect back again what was said.